Thursday we had interviews with our mission president. Our conversation went something like this:
I come into his office and sit down and he laughingly says, "Sis. Begazo, would just stay for a few more years on your mission?"
Me: "ahaha presdient...sure....ahaha"
President: "But in all seriousness, what would happen if you stayed another transfer?"
Now, I've learned how to keep myself composed under highly surprising circumstances. So I just sat there and calmly said, "Well, if I stayed I would just keep on doing missionary work." That's what I said but my brain was doing this: "&*#kfdhk :fhk:#y*(#&*%_(_+!#*(#hj%$
President: "I would like to keep you a little longer...but you see if I do that then I have to give others permission to extend...Sis. Begazo, I don't know if I can get permission for you to stay but if it's okay with you I'm going to persue this and I'll let you know."
Me being composed: "mmmmmm." Again my brain: "2&*($%$MNEGY*GHIOWE#IOH%$&$
Thursday to Friday I went on exchanges to Dordrecht and I had so much fun. Sis. Black (also a greenie and from Ireland so I got pretty good at mimicing her accent) were just laughing together the whole time. And while internally freaking out during our whole exchange I figured that I could extend; it would be nice to get to know the new sisters because they're great.
Then Saturday happened and I started to question if I really could or would want to do it. It was such a rough day; people were so incredibly mean and there was literally a group of people that were pointing and laughing obnoxiously loud at us. Lehi's dream was so real. It was so ridiculous, I couldn't believe it.
We got to Sunday (yesterday) and at this point I'm just completely something (I can't find the word I'm looking for right now) but sidenote I got to see some of my favorite people whom i love so much that came up from Gent. Anyways, we're at church and I'm still interally freaking out. Because I translate I'm just in the room by myself trying to calm my own thoughts so I can focus on actually translating.
It was kind of perfect because the talks and the lessons were about enduring; which was exactly what I needed. I had about 550 different thoughts going on at the same time but one in particular kept coming up and it was about quantity vs. quality. To be perfectly honest, I think the quantity of the rough and difficult times beats the good and easy times on my mission and in my life in general. BUT the quality of the good and most precious times/memories on my mission (and in my life) COMPLETELY outweigh the bad the bad ones which make ALL of those experiences completely worth it.
Last night President called me and said that he got permission and asked if I would be willing to extend my mission to an extra 2 or 4 weeks depending on how many other sisters want to extend. "Since I'm having you stay, I've decided to see if any of the other sisters would like to extend as well," he said. He said that if more sisters stay then he'll only have me stay for 2 extra weeks but if he doesn't have more then he would like me to stay 4 extra weeks. He'll let me know more at Temple Conference this Thursday. He also told me to email again this week either tomorrow or wednesday to talk to my parents about it.
I was laying in bed last night because I could not sleep, I think this is day 4 of little/no sleep, just thinking about ALL of these things. Extending was never in my plans but then again most of the things I've done in my life were never in my plans. India was never in my plans but I followed the answer I got when I prayed about it and India turned out to be one of the best expereinces of my life.
As I was just laying there completely awake, going through a mental list of everything that has happened up to this point and contemplating whether or not I was or wanted to endure a few more weeks of Dutch people laughing at my while saying "Geen interesse" an image of a mountain came to my mind and again the concept of the quantity vs. quality.
The zenith of a mountain is the top of it. You have to do a lot of work to make your way up there. Why do you work so hard to reach the top? Because that is where the best view is; that is where you can clearly see the magnificence and glory of God. The veiw at the bottom, although vast and easy to get to is not as breathtaking and worthwhile. You don't really care about making to the bottom of the mountain. You don't feel accomplished or special. You have to endure to be able to look back and understand how wonderful all of it really is.
From about 3 am to the shower this morning I was just talking to God about all of this. I said to Him, "You know, if I stay it could potentially be the best weeks of my mission." But then I thought, "Or it could be the absolute worse weeks of my mission. Either way I know I'm gonna learn from it." "Well," said God, "if it's the best or the worst either way the experience is what you need." I did tell President that if he needed me to stay that I would. He said that I was in no way obligated to stay. For how long I will stay, I don't know. That information is still to come but I'll still be praying about all of this. I'm so grateful to be going to the Temple this week.
Feel free to email me back with your thoughts on all of this. I love you all! Hope you have a great week!
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