Hello everyone!
So as I said in my last email, we had a baptism this weekend and to be completely honest, it was absolutely nothing of what I expected. To keep a very long story short because of my lack of time (as usual) only two out of the five decided to get baptized. Everything happened so fast that sis. Fleming and I had no idea what to do.
One by one three of Mary's boys came to us and told us that they didn't want to get baptized minutes before it was supposed to happen. The baptismal service ended up being postponed about 45 mins. because Mary was also surprised at what was happening and was talking with them to understand why they changed their mind at the last second.
One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling completely and utterly helpless when someone is in pain. Mary just kept crying and asking us, "Why? Why? What happened?" And we couldn't console her because we didn't understand how all this happened either. We tried to comfort her the best we could but it didn't do much. All we could do was just keep praying. It was really hard for Sis. Fleming and I to keep it together as well. It was one of the most stressful times of my mission.
This was a really weird experience because I was just continually praying I could feel God's love for them and that He had a plan but it was mixed with disappointment and confusion. I wasn't upset that it was three of them, I was upset that it was them. I could care less about numbers or the quantity aspect of a mission.
I didn't really realize until I went on a mission how much you invest in the work. You invest everything you have on the people you teach. You learn to care about them and they come to really and truly matter to you - something I wasn't quite expecting (at least not to this intensity) on a mission.
One of the members of the branch had asked us to write our conversion story or testimony down because he's doing an article for a paper about us. I was really grateful for that especially after
What I basically said was that I didn't have some great story to tell about my conversion. I've never seen an angel or had some miraculous thing happen to where I knew, without a doubt, that there was a God and that He loved me. But rather, my testimony started with a question - I wanted to know if God was there.
And the thing about gaining a true testimony is that it's hard - and it should be. There is wisdom in pain and opposition. Things that come easily to us do not nearly mean as much as when we go through difficulty to get them. Why should searching for God be easy? Why do you we get in this habit of thinking that if God really did love us then He would submit to our will and our desires?
I don't know about anyone else and I cannot speak for anyone other than myself but I know that my personal testimony of the truthfulness of God and of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and this church came through countless hours of prayers and an innumerable bout of tears. Maybe for some it was easy but it wasn't for me - and how grateful I am for that.
One Sunday, I was still in a weird mood from Saturday and during Fast and Testimony meeting a member turns around and whispers to me, "You need to go up there and bear your testimony, it will make you feel better." At first I was terrified, I always get so nervous when I have to speak in from the congregation, especially
She was right. It did make me feel better. I think what hurt the most was seeing these boys turn down this gift, the blessing of true peace and happiness that extends beyond our mortal bounds and then having their mother come to me several times to just cry on my shoulder.
I have a testimony of the truthfulness of this Gospel. I know that God has a plan for each one of us to make it back to Him. I testify of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and that by reading it you will draw closer to our Heavenly Father more than any other book. Put the promise at the end of the Book of Mormon (Moroni 10:4-5) to the test.
Happiness in this life is your own personal choice. You have to work to know God; you have to be diligent, earnest, and sincere. He is there. He is right there. And as I learned in my own personal conversion (and I'm not nearly done with being converted as it is a life-long quest) that as we seek to understand the lessons/ reasons behind our pain or experiences; as we ask God in prayer and then wait to hear or feel an answer; that He will answer us.
Dat weet ik zeker! I know He will give you an answer because He gave me one.
I love you all!
Zr. Begazo
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