Wat op?

In my very first transfer in the land, a sister missionary gave me this advice: "There's always going to be at least one thing that really bothers you on your mission. A little voice that annoys you and that voice is Satan. So just tell him, 'go away Satan'."

This past week, that little thing for me was worrying about what's going to happen after my mission. There are moments when I have to actively tell myself to stop thinking about my future and what I'm going to do when I come home because it brings nothing but stress. 

On Tuesday, we had interviews with our mission president. When I expressed my concerns to him he just simply told me this: "Most of the things we worry about never happen. And we're never going to be able to see the end of something; that's not the way this life works. God will give you only one step at a time and you have to take that step with faith." 

That comforted me for a few days and then I started to freak out again. But I've been trying to really understand that and then believe it. It's one thing to understand a good piece of advice and another to actually internalize it and move forward. 

So, I've been really pondering the subject of faith: how we use faith, what is faith, and so on. And through my studies in the scriptures (specifically the Bible Dictionary - one of my favorite things to read through) I've come to the conclusion that there are two main types of faith. Or rather, two aspects of the topic of faith. 

The first one: Faith is an endowment of God; it is a gift that is given to us from God as a consequence of our righteous choices. 

The second: Our personal faith comes from taking a literal action. 

As it says in the scriptures, faith precedes the miracle. I have often wondered about this paradox of faith (well, I don't know if you would quite call it a paradox.) But in order for us to have a miracle or even something to happen (doesn't have to necessarily be a miracle) we need to have faith. But when that thing that we want to happen doesn't actually happen then we need to have faith in God's timing. 

So a question that I've been confused about for the past few months is which one is it? Did something not happen because we didn't have enough faith or did it not happen because it was not God's will? 

I don't really know where I'm going with all this. This email is more of my thinking out loud. But I don't know. Do you have any opinions on this? I'll stop rambling now. 

I love you all! (Ik hou van jullie!) Hope you have a great week!