A Sseason of Thanksgiving

http://www.frugalwoods.com/2014/07/28/travel-cheap-by-being-a-thanksgiving-weirdo/

Hello everyone, 

It has been a crazy couple of weeks but we've survived. As usual, I don't have that much time but I've wanted to write about this for a while - it's something that I've pondered more and more about and now have a little better understanding of it. 

For those, on my email list who are not familiar with the vocabulary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, when I speak (or write, rather) of the atonement of Jesus Christ, I am referring to the event in the Bible when Christ suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane, suffered and died on the cross, and was resurrected. The atonement, as I grow in my knowledge and understanding of it, has come to mean so much more to me as I learn how to apply it in my daily life. 

But what really is the atonement, you may ask. To explain it as simply as I know how is when Christ took upon himself ALL of the sins and weaknesses of everyone, In short, He experienced the lives of people who were, are, and will be and through His suffering we are given the gift of repentance; through His resurrection, we too will overcome physical death and become resurrected. 

So yes, my brain knew and understood (on a very shallow level) all of that before I came on a mission. But what the atonement meant for me personally, I had no idea. I mean, I had somewhat of an idea but I could not say so with as much sincerity and conviction as I now can. I never really understood what it meant when people said, "yeah, I use the atonement everyday to help me." (You do so through prayer and partaking of the sacrament, btw). 

Why am I writing all of this? Good question. A few weeks ago I was asked to give a talk in sacrament meeting - the subject was around the talk in General Conference in April - "Returning to the Faith." I briefly said that when I was younger I had experienced abuse and that I had to learn how to constantly return to what I believed or what I so desperately wanted to believe was true. That God, Heavenly Father, really does love us and that He really will help us in anything we ask. 

After sacrament meeting, so many members came up to me with tear-filled eyes and said that they were abused too. Some, who never in my life I would imagine doing this, gave me a hug and said how much they appreciated my talk. (By the way, a quick shout-out to the wonderful Natasha Van De Wetering for helping in the correction of my Dutch. I love her!). 

Two very interesting things happened after giving that talk that really affected me. One member, after church, asked us if we could come over for lunch some time so I could give her a copy of my talk because she's writing a book about her life and she wants to put it in there. At the lunch she said that when she was listening to my talk she sat there confused, thinking to herself, "This was my life." 

It was a huge compliment to have her say that I reminded her of herself. She went on a mission for 18 months (the same kind of mission that we do now) in Germany when she was 65 years old. She's 82 now, but she doesn't look nor act like it. She said that when she wanted to go (she said that she didn't want to serve a mission in the Temple because she thought it would be too boring) her bishop laughed at her but told her to ask the stake president. She went to her eldest daughter (did I mention that she raised 5 kids, both of her husbands were not members of the church and wouldn't let her talk about it to her children, yet all of her children has joined and raised their children in the church) who gave her this advice, "Mom, Heavenly Father knows what you can do and you know what you can do. Go for it." 

She said that her first 2 companions, when she was got there, told her that she could take a nap in the middle of the day if she needed. She refused to do so and went out and did the work with them. "They would come home, exhausted," she said, "and  would just lay on the couch while I made dinner and did the laundry. I already had 5 children." I could go on further about how amazing she is, but due to the lack of time I'll just say that she gave me so much hope for who I could become in my future. I've found another hero, as I've been able to do in every one of my cities. 

Anyways, the second thing happened when I was talking to one of my companions a few days ago. We were talking about her past and the abuse that she went through. "I didn't even realize that that was abuse. I thought that that was normal." she said. Somewhere in the conversation she said, "I'm just broken..." The thought had been forming in my mind for awhile, but I had yet to say it aloud. I replied, "Maybe that's a good thing. Our aim in life is have Christ in our countenance and being broken allows the atonement to fill in the cracks. It's what allows us to call upon the atonement to be healed and strengthened."

Lately I've been praying for the atonement to heal what has happened to my mind and body. Abuse has that much power to affect your mind; to warp it and cause lasting damage. I've come to realize that it's okay. It's okay that I was abused but I don't need to stay there. It's okay to feel the way the that I've felt and that it's also okay to let yourself be healed and change. I think it's all too easy to be so comfortable in your pain, so much so that you don't look for an answer or way to change. 

As I've learn how to let Christ fill in those cracks, I've been able to see things in such a clearer way. The other day I went to MLC, which is just a meeting for the missionary leaders and I did a role-play to which our mission president listened in. Afterward, he said, "I saw eyes turn and listen to Sis. Begazo as she taught about repentance. You can just see it; it's in her." That was one of the biggest compliments I've ever received. I want people to literally see my faith within me. 

Just some of my thoughts for this week. I won't be able to reply to emails until next Saturday, we're changing our p-day to visit the Anne Frank Huis, so sorry in advance for the late replies. I love you all. Hope you have a great week. 

ANOTHER TRANSFER GONE....JUST GONE

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Hey everyone!

So, instead of going on another rant about how fast time seems to be going, I will just let it suffice by saying Sis. Kimmons and I are staying. I finally get to have another companion for two transfers. I will be going on to my 9th transfer and we (as Zusters) only get 12. I think I might start freaking out when I get to the double digits. It's super crazy to think about and this transfer is the shortened transfers which means it's only 5 weeks long. It's done the week before Christmas.

Anyways, this week went pretty well. Nothing too exciting happened, although nearly all of our appointments got cancelled...so that was fun. But everything worked out as it always does. This past week I've been thinking a lot about "enjoying the chapter of life you're in." A few months before I left on my mission I remember talking to a friend about putting life, whether that be your worries, ambitions, of wat dan ook, on pause in order to serve a mission.

Sometimes it seems really scary. I remember at the beginning of my mission it was really difficult for me to hear from some of my friends all of the things they were doing. Many of them were getting Law degrees and PH.D.s, some were going onto Med School, etc. All of the things for which I had/have such great ambition and desire.

There were moments where I found it really difficult to focus and not think that I might have made a mistake by pausing my life and coming on a mission. I'm a year out and I know that I didn't make a mistake. I always knew it, but sometimes that vision became blurry when I paid attention to what was happening on the outside.

In mission-lingo, when someone is close to finishing their mission we say that he or she is "dying". We had a "dying" missionary in our district this transfer and he would always joke with me and Kimmons that we're next. Including the next one, I have 4 transfers left; kimmons has 3. Throughout this transfer all of the younger missionaries would mess with us and say, "wow, you're practically dead."

A moment like that happened a few days ago when we were doing a service project and one elder asked me why I didn't freak out like all the other missionaries usually did when someone would say that they are almost dead. Without really thinking about it, I just said, "I'm fine with dying. I don't have any huge regrets on my mission because I've tried to give the all that I had everyday. When the time comes I will go home and move on with my life."

"Really?" asked another elder, "I have a lot of regrets." I remember at the very beginning of my mission another missionary told me that when he was "dying". I've learned that regret can be more easily avoided as we try to develop and become more aware of the consequences of our actions. I remember an apostle saying one time that all major sins can be avoided merely by being obedient to the commandments we are given.

Most of the time we will not see or understand all the consequences of our actions. If you do your best to be obedient then you never really have to worry about understanding it. Which, I think, is really cool. If I am obedient to what I know or believe to be true and right then I don't have to worry about having any major regrets in my life. That only comes by constantly pondering and learning but, more importantly, apply the additional knowledge and revelation that you do receive.

Sometimes, it is still hard when people say, "wow, you're almost done! What are you going to after?" My response, "I'm not exactly sure...I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." Sometimes that fear seeps in every now and then but that's okay. It keeps me conscious of what I need to do now in my life.

The other day when I was really freaking out about it, I made a list of what I've done in the past 5 years - van af 2010 I have been to 7 different countries, earned a college degree, completed a fellowship, and am on a mission. That calmed me down and gave me hope for the future. I've gained a firm testimony that as I've learned how to daily dedicate my life and actions to what God would have me do then everything is going to work out. But I also know you're not going to see it until you're done with it and move on to another chapter in your life.

It's really hard. It's really really hard. It takes a lot of work, diligence, and sacrifice but I'm grateful for it. I was talking to Kimmons the other night when we were having mini-freak-outs about going home and saying goodbye to the friends we've made as they go home and I've come to the conclusion that God really, truly does trust us enough to work through things in our life. We are not going to be spoon-fed our next steps in life.

God is not going to print out step-by-step directions on how to achieve or do something in our lives. But He will give aid through our prayers. He will guide you if He knows you will truly do all that He asks. Sometimes it gets annoying and I become irritated but it's really cool to see the person you've become after going through it all.

I'm so grateful for chapters in our lives because we don't need to worry so much about the next one if we do all that we can in the one we're in. I've constantly had to tell myself, "I'm on a mission now, I don't need to worry about 5 years from now. My path is always going to be different from others."

Enjoy where you are and start where you are. Be willing to grow and change when humbling experiences come your way and be grateful for the hard things. It really is worth it. Hard work will always be worth if it you're going in the right direction. Understanding that direction comes with constant communication with God...and a lot of trial and error (at least in my experience).

Love you all! Hope you have a great week.

A Year Out

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Hey everyone!

So this week has been quite a crazy one! Monday we went to the bunkers that are in Ijmuiden. It was really really fun. You could crawl in some of them, so obviously we did. You had to go into these tiny holes in the pitch-black rooms full of just bricks and trash. We also climbed on the top of them and to where we could overlook the beach and the arena. I wish I could send you some of the pictures but since we email at the library, we can't use a USB to upload anything.

Tuesday through Thursday I had to do a double exchange so I was in Den Haag and Zoetemeer. Thursday was my year-mark, I didn't do anything special. We had a busy day and I was too exhausted anything super exciting so we're celebrating it today, just hanging out in Haarlem with the Elders, plus it's Sis. Kimmons birthday tomorrow so it's sort of a half-way-in-between celebration for the both of us. 

Friday was super fun, we did a service project for our bishop and then had an appointment with one of our investigators who is just harilious. She said that when we have children we can just send them to her if they get too much to handle and they will live with her in Nederland. She's from Suriname so sister Kimmons always calls her "surimama". She's very much like a mom/grandmother to us. Every time we come to her house she makes us eat even when we say we're not that hungry. I've learned to not eat certain days when I know we have certain appointments with people because they always make us eat despite the fact that we tell them we have a dinner appointment right after.

Anyways, Friday was super fun because we got to have dinner with a member who lives in Amsterdam. She and her husband are so hilarious. We just laughed the whole night. Her husband comes from Suirname so when he asked me what I wanted to eat I obviously said "Roti", and he taught me how to make it. I got it on video! I'm so happy hehe. We had a "sing-off" between us, the elders and them. They won, but I'm convinced it was because it was in their house :p. We were all laughing the entire night.

Saturday was the day I was looking forward to the most. It was a Halloween party with one of the members. She's from Australia but she lived in America for a while. It was a onesie pajama only party so everyone had to wear one to enter. We had some minions there, sully (from Monsters Inc.) a few different animals i.e. a frog, fox, cow, pig, bear, koala, unicorns, Sis. Kimmons was a flying squirrel. There was superman and wonder woman. but I was BATMAN! I even had a cape! I love it, it's so comfortable! I've been wanting a batman onesie for a long time and now I finally have one! I sleep it in every night now lol.

I love Haarlem, the ward is so much fun and the city is beautiful! Fall is my favorite time of year and it's so beautiful to see the orange and yellow leaves falling from the trees in a very picturesque city. It's so crazy to think that I only have 6 months left on my mission...less than 6 months, because our missions were cut short. It's hard to think about life before the mission, it's really funny. This Sunday is transfer calls already, maybe this time Kimmons will stay and I'll finally have another companion for 2 transfers.

Love you all! Hope you have a great week! We are now in November! CRAZY. oh, and Happy 6th Birthday to my little brother, Daniel, on Friday. It's his golden birthday.