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Hey everyone!
So, instead of going on another rant about how fast time seems to be going, I will just let it suffice by saying Sis. Kimmons and I are staying. I finally get to have another companion for two transfers. I will be going on to my 9th transfer and we (as Zusters) only get 12. I think I might start freaking out when I get to the double digits. It's super crazy to think about and this transfer is the shortened transfers which means it's only 5 weeks long. It's done the week before Christmas.
Anyways, this week went pretty well. Nothing too exciting happened, although nearly all of our appointments got cancelled...so that was fun. But everything worked out as it always does. This past week I've been thinking a lot about "enjoying the chapter of life you're in." A few months before I left on my mission I remember talking to a friend about putting life, whether that be your worries, ambitions, of wat dan ook, on pause in order to serve a mission.
Sometimes it seems really scary. I remember at the beginning of my mission it was really difficult for me to hear from some of my friends all of the things they were doing. Many of them were getting Law degrees and PH.D.s, some were going onto Med School, etc. All of the things for which I had/have such great ambition and desire.
There were moments where I found it really difficult to focus and not think that I might have made a mistake by pausing my life and coming on a mission. I'm a year out and I know that I didn't make a mistake. I always knew it, but sometimes that vision became blurry when I paid attention to what was happening on the outside.
In mission-lingo, when someone is close to finishing their mission we say that he or she is "dying". We had a "dying" missionary in our district this transfer and he would always joke with me and Kimmons that we're next. Including the next one, I have 4 transfers left; kimmons has 3. Throughout this transfer all of the younger missionaries would mess with us and say, "wow, you're practically dead."
A moment like that happened a few days ago when we were doing a service project and one elder asked me why I didn't freak out like all the other missionaries usually did when someone would say that they are almost dead. Without really thinking about it, I just said, "I'm fine with dying. I don't have any huge regrets on my mission because I've tried to give the all that I had everyday. When the time comes I will go home and move on with my life."
"Really?" asked another elder, "I have a lot of regrets." I remember at the very beginning of my mission another missionary told me that when he was "dying". I've learned that regret can be more easily avoided as we try to develop and become more aware of the consequences of our actions. I remember an apostle saying one time that all major sins can be avoided merely by being obedient to the commandments we are given.
Most of the time we will not see or understand all the consequences of our actions. If you do your best to be obedient then you never really have to worry about understanding it. Which, I think, is really cool. If I am obedient to what I know or believe to be true and right then I don't have to worry about having any major regrets in my life. That only comes by constantly pondering and learning but, more importantly, apply the additional knowledge and revelation that you do receive.
Sometimes, it is still hard when people say, "wow, you're almost done! What are you going to after?" My response, "I'm not exactly sure...I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." Sometimes that fear seeps in every now and then but that's okay. It keeps me conscious of what I need to do now in my life.
The other day when I was really freaking out about it, I made a list of what I've done in the past 5 years - van af 2010 I have been to 7 different countries, earned a college degree, completed a fellowship, and am on a mission. That calmed me down and gave me hope for the future. I've gained a firm testimony that as I've learned how to daily dedicate my life and actions to what God would have me do then everything is going to work out. But I also know you're not going to see it until you're done with it and move on to another chapter in your life.
It's really hard. It's really really hard. It takes a lot of work, diligence, and sacrifice but I'm grateful for it. I was talking to Kimmons the other night when we were having mini-freak-outs about going home and saying goodbye to the friends we've made as they go home and I've come to the conclusion that God really, truly does trust us enough to work through things in our life. We are not going to be spoon-fed our next steps in life.
God is not going to print out step-by-step directions on how to achieve or do something in our lives. But He will give aid through our prayers. He will guide you if He knows you will truly do all that He asks. Sometimes it gets annoying and I become irritated but it's really cool to see the person you've become after going through it all.
I'm so grateful for chapters in our lives because we don't need to worry so much about the next one if we do all that we can in the one we're in. I've constantly had to tell myself, "I'm on a mission now, I don't need to worry about 5 years from now. My path is always going to be different from others."
Enjoy where you are and start where you are. Be willing to grow and change when humbling experiences come your way and be grateful for the hard things. It really is worth it. Hard work will always be worth if it you're going in the right direction. Understanding that direction comes with constant communication with God...and a lot of trial and error (at least in my experience).
Love you all! Hope you have a great week.
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